Friday, November 03, 2006
Sorry again for the lag in posting as I did not have enought ideas lol. Anyway, this is another emo story, but written in simple english for all you SYL's out there(kidding). It is very long so I decided to break it up into 2 parts. It may sound stupid and times and silly at others, but the fact remains that it is all true, every single word of it. Even now as I type this introduction, I can still visualise that night, the night which it all began......
Part 1 of The Party
I still am able to recollect that day, that very day which I was enlightened by your loveliness. The whole night is still crystal clear in my mind as I finally churn out my thoughts, not to be able to gain sympathy, but only to tell the truth about how I feel for you.
It was just a simple birthday party. We were invited to the birthday bash of an aquaintance of mine, which is of minor importance, compared to what was about to happen next. The sparkling night sky shone fierce and strong and as I stepped out of the car, I had a feeling that something good was about to happen. I was prepared for just another boring time and out of the blue, God revealed and angel to me, just like the angel Gabriel was sent by God, it was also as if you were sent by God to brighten up my life. Your radiant smile light up the room and could shine throught even the thickest fog. Your almond eyes were big and bright, showing your life and character. Your lithe body showed off the altheletic frame which greatly appeals to me. Your short but simple hairstyle showed your youth and virility, which I believe you are full of. The clothes you wore: a simple black Mango tank and a white pant was so simple yet so delightful. The most important thing of all, your cute, lovely face, one without freckles or pimples, blemishes of spots, was what really drew me to you. From one look, I could tell that you were sweet but not naive, pretty but not haughty, and kind without price. I was totally drawn to you and it was in that split second, that I commited myself.
Time and again I have passed off oppotunities like this, opportunities which don't come easily but this was not one of those times. I mustered up the courage to speak with you, but you have to know how difficult it was as I am quite a shy person when it comes to these sort of things. Even then, it was you who spoke to me first, probably just you trying to be friendly, which I greatly appreaciate as this would have never happened if you did not open that lovely mouth of yours. It was a simple question, just an invitation to join you in shooting some hoops. Having practised once in a while, I felt confident enough to take you on. Pity, I was wrong. Your superior netball skills put mine to shame but I did not mind, as it was the perfect chance to be able to talk to you. I know it may sound stupid to some and silly to others, but I did not mind at that time. Your sweet voice and cheerful character drew me more towards you and it was one of the most exciting yet nerve-racking conversations I had in a long, long time.
I could not let it end there. I could not leave this night empty-handed. So it was then when I took the next step, by asking for your e-mail. I sincerely felt that there was too strong a connection between us to just let it end there and I wanted to be able to get to know you better. Yet again you gave me that smile and your ruby-red lips finally gave out the sound for which I was longing for, yes. I was over the moon when you agreed. Never before had any girl I asked been this friendly and so beautiful that I was just mesmerized by you. At last, it was time to leave. It was late and I did not have time to say a goodbye, and for this I apologize as we were really in a rush. What I really want you to know is that I spent the whole night, the rest of the night mind you, thinking about your lovely face, once again recollecting your angelic features in my mind and yet again replaying your actions in my head. Sleep tried, but could not claim my conciousness as I lay in bed, thinking about what happened, what could happen, and what was about to happen. Althought I slept only four hours, it was worth it, as I spent it thinking about you.
Lusted for at || 6:20 AM
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Wednesday, October 25, 2006
What do other people think of me, I really am curious, because I think of myself as a geek. After reviewing the past year, I realise that I have no life. During a normal school day, everything is planned out for me and thus I just go about my daily routine, doing what a sheet of paper tells me to. Training sessions temporarily take my mind off work for 7 hours a week, then it is back to the drawing board. This feeling was not that significant throughout the course of the year, but now, having come to the holidays, it finally dawned on me, as clear as a ray of ultra-violet sunshine, that I have no life.
The holidays is a time meant for you to have fun and recuperate from work. But, having lost that timetable, that daily routine, I feel kinda' lost, like there is no clear direction to take. What I feel, what I see, what I think, what I do, is it acceptable?
I really envy some people. Passing by couples making out, holding hands and whispering into each other's ear, I just wish that I could experience that too. As a healthy, maybe slightly flabby 15-year old boy, I feel it is normal for me to take a liking to the opposite sex, and of course, develop a friendly relationship, which after all is one of my principles. Time and time again, I have tried to advance that, take the first step to futhur developing that bond. But, time and time again, the powers have dealt me a cruel fate. Rejection is the only thing that has come out of it so far. I do not understand why it never works. Is there something wrong with my looks, or maybe the way I express myself that turns you off? Recently, another relationship ended in rejection. That time, I sincerly felt that there was some chemistry between us. I really thought she felt the same way. But no, fate loves playing with my feelings, again leaving me dejected, lost and most importantly, alone.
They say 'life is full of ups and downs'. I have experienced the downs, so when are the ups going to come?
Lusted for at || 7:58 PM
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Do you often get the feeling of being left out? Cast aside by people you thought you knew? Do you know what its feels to be left in the dark while your friends share their innermost secrets, casting a wary eye over their shoulders to make sure you're not listening? Well, I do.
I will not mention any names here, but those friends of mine who are able to comphrehend, please take this seriously. Sometimes, when I have something I feel is important and really need to share it, I find that there are a lack of listening ears for me to pour my troubles out to. Is it because they cannot see my plight, or because they choose to ignore it? Whatever it is, I do not know. Most of my good friends, at least I consider them good friends but whether it is vice-versa is another story, are in the same sport, while unfortunately, I take up different sport. Sometimes when they discuss, laugh and joke among themselves, I feel quite left out. Is it normal to feel this way? Do they even consider me as their friend, or am I just a pawn in their game of life, just waiting to be taken? I really do not know.
I am a person who puts relationships first, except God of course, above anything else and my aim in life is to make as many friends as possible and maintain a good relationship with everybody. It might sound childish to some and stupid to many, but that is my principle and I cannot and will not change it that easily. If you do not like me or find some part of me unpleasent in any way, please do not hesitate to make it known to me. I seriously want to know my faults and what I can do to change them, so that I can maintain a good relationship with everybody I know.
Finally, to all my friends, you all know who I am referring to, please take this seriously and I hope I did not hurt any of your feelings but this is how I feel deep down inside.
Friends Forever? I'll leave it to you.
Lusted for at || 6:16 AM
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Monday, October 16, 2006
Hi all sorry for the lag time in posting due to the exams...so here's a song for you! Enjoy! (P.S. Its actually a song but i based this poem on it, and anyone with musical talent, could you compose some tunes for me, caus' I have none.)
I Hope You Dance
I shuffle my feet with my bum on the bench
The instructor calling out my name to dance
I shake my head and give a firm NO
Why should I care when I'm not a pro
Oh I hope you dance
In this time and life
You've only been given one chance
Never let it go
I feel left out
While all the others dance
Being shoved aside
I finally realise my plight
Given the opportunity
Take the chance
Be not afraid
To fall down and fail
Oh I hope you dance
In this time and life
You've only been given one chance
Never let it go
Now I know how much I missed
By sitting on the bench
I willingly open up myself to new things
And try to re-make sense of my life
Let this be a lesson to all
Being proactive can mean so much more
Do you want to make a difference here on earth
Or just stand by and let it take it's course
Oh I hope you dance
In this time and life
You've only been given one chance
Never let it go
This steps I will forever dance
Living my life with no regrets
Lusted for at || 1:40 AM
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Saturday, September 30, 2006
Hi all!!! Time again to deviate from my emoness. Hoped you all liked my poems and stories. But sadly, now is the exam period, and I am unable to churn out new prose pieces for your viewing pleasure(sob sob) as I am busy studying......(e.g. Eutrophication - release of excess amount of fertilisers into water channels!!!!!!) So...... I have just decided to put up the lyrics of one of my favourite songs by none other than......Jay Chou!!! Hope you enjoy it! p.s. for all you whose chinese sux...english translation at the bottom...AMCJ that means you!
浪漫手機
Lang Man Shou Ji
Composer: Jay Chou (周杰倫) Lyricist: Vincent Fong (方文山)
輕輕放
qing qing fang
我就是卸不下對妳的喜歡
wo jiu shi xie bu xia dui ni de xi huan
原來愛會慢慢增加重量
yuan lai ai hui man man zeng jia zhong liang
想關上這城市所有的燈光
xiang guan shang zhe cheng shi suo you de deng guang
黑暗中專心聞妳的髮香
hei an zhong zhuan xin wen ni de fa xiang
這夜晚
zhe ye wan
讓暗戀很有畫面感
rang an lian hen you hua mian gan
回想
hui xiang
與妳約會過的地方
yu ni yue hui guo de di fang
都捨不得刪
dou she bu de shan
在腦海裡儲存欣賞
zai nao hai li chu cun xin shang
妳微笑瀏覽
ni wei xiao liu lan
手機裡的浪漫
shou ji li de lang man
原來真心送出愛是這麼簡單
yuan lai zhen xin song chu ai shi zhe me jian dan
溫習螢幕上
wen xi ying mu shang
妳可愛的模樣
ni ke ai de mo yang
關於緣份的解釋我又多傳了一行
guan yu yuan fen de jie shi wo you duo chuan le yi hang
妳微笑瀏覽
ni wei xiao liu lan
手機裡的浪漫
shou ji li de lang man
原來愛情可以來的這麼突然
yuan lai ai qing ke yi lai de zhe me tu ran
短信的橋樑
duan xin de qiao liang
將曖昧期拉長
jiang ai mei qi la chang
我們的感情蔓延滋長用文字培養
wo men de gan qing man yan zi chang yong wen zi pei yang
在虛擬土壤
zai xu ni tu rang
電視牆
dian shi qiang
吵雜的情歌還在拼命播放
chao za de qing ge hai zai pin ming bo fang
我安靜在鬧區等來電鈴響
wo an jing zai nao qu deng lai dian ling xiang
有一些話打好了卻不敢傳
you yi xie hua da hao le que bu gan chuan
怕收到信息的妳在為難
pa shou dao xin xi de ni zai wei nan
街道上
jie dao shang
人潮襯托我的孤單
ren chao chen tuo wo de gu dan
想像
xiang xiang
誰幸運的陪在妳身旁
shui xing yun de pei zai ni shen bang
卻誤會一場
que wu hui yi chang
妳也在等妳手機響
ni ye zai deng ni shou ji xiang
妳微笑瀏覽
ni wei xiao liu lan
手機裡的浪漫
shou ji li de lang man
原來真心送出愛是這麼簡單
yuan lai zhen xin song chu ai shi zhe me jian dan
溫習螢幕上
wen xi ying mu shang
妳可愛的模樣
ni ke ai de mo yang
關於緣份的解釋我又多傳了一行
guan yu yuan fen de jie shi wo you duo chuan le yi hang
妳微笑瀏覽
ni wei xiao liu lan
手機裡的浪漫
shou ji li de lang man
原來愛情可以來的這麼突然
yuan lai ai qing ke yi lai de zhe me tu ran
短信的橋樑
duan xin de qiao liang
將曖昧期拉長
jiang ai mei qi la chang
我們的感情蔓延滋長用文字培養
wo men de gan qing man yan zi chang yong wen zi pei yang
在虛擬土壤
zai xu ni tu rang
Romantic Handphone
Lightly let go
I just can’t take down my fondness for you
In fact love will slowly increase in weight
I want to turn off all the lights in this city
In the dark, concentrate on smelling the fragrance of your hair
This night
Makes the crush have a lot of imagery feel
Remembering
The places I have been on dates with you
I’m unwilling to delete them
Storing them in my mind to enjoy
You smile browsing
The romance in the handphone
In fact giving out love with a genuine heart is so simple
Practising on the movies screens
Your cute face
About the explanation of fate, I have texted another line
You smile browsing
The romance in the handphone
In fact love can come so suddenly
The text message’s bridge
Pulls the period of ambiguity longer
Our feelings spread and develop using words to cultivate
On the fictitious soil
The TV wall
The noisy love song is still desperately broadcasting
I silently wait for the incoming call ringtone in downtown
Some words I have typed already but I didn’t dare send
Scared that you, who will receive the message, will be troubled
On the street
The tide of people sets off my loneliness
Imagining
Who is lucky to be by your side?
Yet it was a misunderstanding
You are also waiting for your handphone to ring
You smile browsing
The romance in the handphone
In fact giving out love with a genuine heart is so simple
Practising at the movies
Your cute face
About the explanation of fate, I have texted another line
You smile browsing
The romance in the handphone
In fact love can come so suddenly
The text message’s bridge
Pulls the period of ambiguity longer
Our feelings spread and develop using words to cultivate
On the fictitious soil
Lusted for at || 8:29 AM
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Monday, September 25, 2006
Forlorn Hope
The view of the setting suns sets engulfs me as I pen down these thoughts,
The turmoil within me begins to take charge as it rumbles and grumbles in my upset tummy
As my pen silently scratches the recycled paper
My thoughts begin to flow, like a stream full of life and virility
Its roots reaching deep beneath the Earth's crust
Its apex far beyond the reaches of space
In the twilight of the setting sun I begin to wonder "What is my purpose here on Earth?"
Is it to please, to entertain or to pleasure? To upest, madden or deflower? To lead, to learn or to wield power?
As my slightly feverish brain conjures up these thoughts I begin to realise
That all this while, without me noticing, all that is around me, all that I know and think and see and feel and do
Is just a forlorn attempt at trying to achieve what I thought was my destiny
All of a sudden, my world comes crashing down on my temples, literally smashing my brain into its simplest components
I just let go, losing feeling of the world around me, all that I know
The powers take pity on me, not leaving me to die, but instead reincarnating me as a travelling spirit
Leaving me to forever drift among the orbits of the distant planets as their light illuminates my path
Leaving me all alone to entertain what I call, a crazed notion.
Lusted for at || 3:59 AM
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Wednesday, September 20, 2006
I feel both sad and angry. Disappointed and dejected. Why am I feeling this way, it wasn't as though there was anything, I was just entertaining a crazed notion.
Before the spark I dreamt of the explosion, having such high expectations, expecting everything to work out smoothly, but sadly, it did not turn out that way. I am angry not at other people, but at myself, for being such a loser, unable to control my own fate.
Now I realise, fate is not in your own hands, it is up to some supernatural ruler to take into his own hands and we are just puppets in the grand scheme. But this has happened to me too many times. I just can't take it anymore, it is so unfair, why does other people get the chance while I just stand by and act the cool guy, like its ok, like nothing has happened. Well, I can't do that anymore, not anymore. I can't just sit by and watch my life fade into nothingness. I must try to wrestle back the control of my destiny, to make something out of my life. I will try and whoever tries to stop me, will be sorry.
Lusted for at || 7:33 AM
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Tuesday, September 12, 2006
This story is dedicated to my best friends in my life. You are the ones that make me feel special. It is half-true, half-fiction, but the most important thing is that you enjoy it!
Crazed Notions
As the streams of morning sunlight filtered through the blinders of the window, his eyelids began to flutter, finally reavealing a pair of hazel brown eyes. His knuckles gently brushed away the works of the sandman the previous night as he swung his legs over the bedside. All of a sudden, the events of last night came reeling back to him and it was all he could do to prevent himself from bursting into tears. But he was not totally successful. One particular drop made it past his eyelashes and trickled down his cheek. He did not even bother to wipe it off. That suspension of salt slowly made its way down his face, free-falling thorugh the air to land with a splash on the neatly parqueted floors. Why was he crying you may ask? Well, to tell you, I have to start from the beginning, where it all began......
It was the first time he had seen, an angel, or so he thought. The brightness of the sun's aura bouncing off her porcelain cheeks made her seem almost...heavenly. Her eyes were like freshly harvested almonds, fresh, crisp and full of life. That cute aqualine nose seemed to protude out at a perfect angle as two upturned red arcs on her face revealed its army of white, shining knights to emit the vocals:"Hi, I'm XXXX. What's your name?"
From then on, it all seemed like a never-ending dream. He would relinquish his free time to play with her. He would put aside his studies to talk to her. He even dreamed about her every single night without fail. Might you be curious as to what he dreamt about? Let's just say that they involved 4 red ars, ten moulded candles on a cake, and a black tuxedo with a wedding gown for its partner.
He felt for the first time in his young life, rejuvenated, recharged and full of passion and lust for life itself as the days went by as he spent time with his beau. It was as though they were carved from the same rock, moulded from the same clay, folded from the very same piece of metal. What she liked, he loved. What she ignored, he hated. What she loved, he adored. It seemed to him that they were two peas in a pod, meant and created for each other, forever fated to dance among the stars as two passionate lovers, the light from the faraway suns illuminating their path, their love never ending, never ceasing, forever coursing through thier hot-blooded veins as food for thier ever-hungry soul. Sadly, this was not meant to be.
Let us now jump back to the day before, where it ended, once and for all......
Brimming with youthful confidence, he proudly puffed up his chest with conceit, as he admired himself in the glass mirror. Today was to be the day. Today was the day where he would offer up his life to his beau, to offer her his prized and precious piece of rock, to confess to his crush. "Yes, today was the day", he thought to himself. Dressed up in the best clothes his meager closet could spit out, he made his way to the meeting place. He was so sure that she would accept him, love him as he loved her. "XXXX, I really like you, would you go out with me?" he asked, his mouth throwing out the slightest hint of breath mints in the still night air. "Oh YYYY, I'm so sorry, I love......someone else." From then on, it seemed like a never-ending dream. In this case, a nightmare. His fragile heart exploded into a billion parts, shattered into a thousand pieces, dissolved into its aqueous form, and sublimed to hiss and sparkle, finally evaporating into the same still night air. His manly soul felt like it had stamped on, spat on and thrown out into the barren desert to rot for all of eternity, never finding solace in any type of relationship again. His whole body was numb with disbelief, his hands and legs had a mind of their own, carrying him away from that horrible place. "I'll see you then, bye..." he mumbled as he turned around, careful not to let her see his tearing eyes. As he rounded the corner, just out of sight, he stoppped abruptly, pausing for a moment before finally tossing with all his might, the precious piece of diamond rock into the deep, black rushing waters of the Singapore River.
He trudged back to his home, where he immediately plopped down on his bed, crying himself to sleep, his sadness and disappointment feeding his empty stomach. He promised himself, that this was a lesson, that he would love again, but all that did not seem important at that moment as he threw out all memories of her, as his teardrops silently dripped down to wet his bed as the sandman claimed him and he drifted off to sleep.
Love, is but a complicated thing. It can excite and movitate, rejuvinate and replenish, provide hope and purpose. It can also disappoint and sadden, belittle and madden, murder and break hearts. Let this be a tribute to all people who have experienced this situation and I hope that you may find your real true love, in the future.
Lusted for at || 4:22 AM
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(damn act rite?)